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2 years later [12 Nov 2005|04:52pm]
Damn it's been 2 years since I posted in this thing?! Seems like only yesterday I was going through my mocks, then my gcses and all that. Anyways, yeah my actual GCSES came around, I passed, I went on to my AS levels and now I'm in my second and last year. And it's boring as hell and I'm failing and shit but oh well. Exams are coming up just like 2 years ago in January, I have coursework so I really should start revising! I came across my journal again coz my cousin is doing his mocks and I wanted to remember what it is he's going through. He needs to chill out- it's not all that bad.
I've been planning to keep a regular blog/journal or whatever for some time now... I got one on my site and I could use Myspace but then again, too mnay people I know can get to that. I don't want them to know some shit I want to post. So I doubt they're gonna read anything here... nobody will read anything here so whatever. For examle, I like to get drunk. My family doesn't know that and I don't want them to find out if they go to my site or anything.
So yeah, I've recently been talking to this girl who seems pretty cool at first. She's really pretty and all that and that's another reason I'm posting here. She found out about my site too and if she read some stuff I post about her she would get pissed off. I've been talking to her until around 5am on some days. I think it's pretty obvious she liked me too, but she's a 'gameplayer'. You know, one of those cocky girls who likes to play hard to get. That's alright, but she takes the piss with it and it's getting boring. I'm starting to lose interest and the way she always asks me for a diamond ring (as a joke... I hope) is annoying.

"What did you get me for my birthday?"
"Jewellery, but no diamonds."
"Well diamonds are a girl's best friend!"
"In that case you're gonna be lonely for a very long time."

That actually pissed her off when I had that conversation with her. I actually think she's serious about the ring thing which is why my cousins and I have started calling her a 'Gold Digga', lol.
And recently I found out she went to some party with her friends and she carries around a fake ID. That really put me off. I mean on the looks scales I'd give her around a 8 or 9/10 and that's pretty high coz I have high standards. Since before I would never get the chance to actually get to know a girl I would think anyone with good looks would be relationship material and most guys think like that anyway. Having a trophy girlfriend is good and this one would be like, an Oscar or something. But she has a really bad attitude to everything; she has a short fuse, can't take a joke, plays hard to get too much and does that teasing thing and the only time when I can actually get her to stop being a kid is when I'm being a dick to her. So basically to make her mature, I have to be her (or immature). I'm not too sure coz she's a year younger than me and in the past I've always thought I would never like a younger person. I like the older ladies anyway, but a year isn't too much but she seems to damn immature which is a put off.
And back to the fake ID thing. Her friends took her out to a party and they were being given drinks which I found kind of weird since she doesn't look 18. Then she tells me she had her fake ID just in case. Now I'm a 'good boy' according to my family and a 'pussy' according to my friends so I don't really see the point in that. I've never seen the point in getting a fake ID since was one of those people who could actually wait a year until I could do that shit. So that really got some doubt into me, making me think she's a ho and all that. I'm probably going over the top with it coz I'm nothing like that. I used to get people to get me alcohol when I couldn't or get me movies and games. So I guess I'm no better, she just had the opportunity to get a free fake ID from her friend to do all that shit herself. I'm not sure if I would pass down the offer myself, but then again I wouldn't use the ID for anything anyway. It's probably coz I was thinking; "what if she was my girlfriend?"
I get worried about people easily, and I don't like to worry about them. If I was actually going out with her I wouldn't want to take her out to clubs and make her use her fake ID. I could get into some serious shit if something went wrong, especially with her parents. And her brother, and older brothers aren't meant to be fucked with. And I wouldn't want to know she's going out to places she's not supposed to be. I would actually want her family and shit to trust me so I don't get hassle from them coz I know I wouldn't want my sister going out to bars, getting drinks and everything thanks to some random guy.
She just sounds too 'wild' for me since I'm pretty laid back, calm and everything. We're complete opposites in some ways like she said, but not in every way. She also seems pretty materialistic and shit, and I don't like that. I dunno, I guess I should give her a chance since it's not that big a deal. But I'm nowhere near as into her as before. I said to her I'm gonna check if my cousins are doing the same shit as her, and if they are I'm going to introduce the back of my hand to their face and she said "let them have fun". What the fuck, when I was 16 and 17 I didn't need alcohol to have fun. What a shallow bitch she must be (see, told you I'm not that into her anymore). The fact I take the piss out of her so much shows how much I don't like her anymore but oh well. I'm starting to get out of the 'one woman guy' phase and starting to think of most girls as 'bitches' now anyway. I think it's called growing up or 'growing a penis' as my friend put it.
My 18th birthday was last week and then my rents had a party for themselves, using my birthday as an excuse. No big deal, I got all the money and everything and they had to entertain. So most of the people who came were my relatives and I was hanging out with my cousins and then my cousin tells me about my friend's sister. I swear I thought she was a lesbian the way she kept going on about how much she's grown up and how buff she is. Then my friend actually turns up and after a while he goes away after a while and comes back coz I told him to. When I actually saw his sister I realised I made a big mistake and I wanted him to fuck off for the rest of the night, lol :P
The last time I saw her was literally years ago. I can only remember her from primary school when we were like, 6 or 7 and I would bully her a lot like puttin chewing gum in her hair and everything. Then a few weeks ago my friend at school told me "she's all buff now" and he's right. This is another reason I'm having to post here. I don't want my friend to see this coz- well it's about his sister. And I don't want my other friends to know coz they might tell him. And I don't want my family to know full stop since they'll want an arranged marraige.
So like I was saying, she's really good looking now, probably a 9 or 10/10? I would have actually talked to her or something but my friend was following me around so much I couldn't. Well I could, but he might not like that so I was trying to get rid of him the whole night. He was acting pretty damn miserable too so he was boring. All I got to talk to her about is how my brother, my friend and I were always mean to her and I put butter in her hair at a restaraunt. I picked up she probably liked me since she came to hug me, she was listening to what I was saying all the time and tried to reply, blah, blah. We gots chemistry and I don't think I've known another girl that long but then again she's 2 years younger than me, her brother is like, one of my best and oldest friends not to mention my parents and her parents are really good friends too. So there's a lot of problems there, haha. He's pretty protective of her too and I dunno how he would react if I got involved with her. I mean it's better that I do than one of those other dickheads out there who are after one thing. Kinda ironic too coz he's one of them himself and used to try and turn me into one by telling me to get head from a girl who liked me but I didn't like back.
Naw, but I'd prefer my own friend dating my cousins or whatever coz I know they wouldn't fuck around. There's too much at risk and everything. It's pretty stupid to just get pissed off if they go out with a guy since they have to grow up one day. The thought of my cousins even going out with a guy used to piss me off, but now I realise they have their own life too and have to learn and all that. I'll stay out of it- unless the guy they're going out with turns out to be a prick in which case I'll put rings on my fingers and get bitch slapping.
So yeah, she's more my type... well now I think about it I never really had a type. I don't care what a girl's hair colour is (unless it's grey), what height they are, what ethnicity. So looks wise I don't really have a type since everyone is different and limiting yourself to a specific 'type' will mean you could be missing out on something good. So I guess I don't have a type but I do prefer girls who aren't so fucking wild and shit like that. I prefer classy girls with manners, who're polite and mature and intelligent. It doesn't really matter if they're shy and unconfident since it's a good thing when they actually open up to you and you have their trust. But she's a lot like me- the younger child with a bastard brother who treats you badly, leaves you out and is a crackhead.
Yesterday I was walking my friend to the train station and then back to the bus when her train was gonna be late. On the way I saw the girl and "her eyes lit up" when she saw me (my friend's words, not mine). She asked why I'm walking the opposite way to her and she obviously wanted me to walk with her and I missed that chance but what the hell. I'm still not sure about her since there's a lot of trouble that could follow.

Yeah so as you can tell my confidence with girls has gone up a bit since 2 years ago. I actually go to an all girl school for English (which is where I saw my friend's sister) but I think I'm Asexual. Being shy around girls and actually scared of them seems to have made me have stupidly high standards. I'm not into many girls and blank a lot of them that show interest in me. But like I said, I seem to be growing up since I'm not so picky and everything anymore. That said, I'm not one of those guys who think with their dick and go chasing girls. If one comes along (like what's been happening lately) then I can actually make a move and everything otherwise I don't go searching for them.
I would probably feel better if I didn't have braces again but it's not that big a deal. I'm also trying to do something with my hair. I know I'm growing up since I used to think fixing my hair and buying loads of clothes was pointless. Now I'm more into having a new look and looking good in general. I do buy clothes now and I wanna do something with my hair. For ages now I've just had it really short which meant it looked plain and simple and I didn't have to do anything with it. But I grew it for 2 months and it looked better until my stupid mother made me get it all cut off. Bitch. That took 2 fucking months dammit!
I've wanted to see a hair stylist and talk about what's good but all the people I see say "it's up to you" or my regular one doesn't say anything since the fool can't speak English. Lucky for me I got some voucher thing for my birthday which either lets me go Go Karting, Diving, get a stupid amount of chocolate or get a "Delux Makeover". I might sound gay but I'm so going for the makeover. I get a hair consultation and cut from an actual hairstylist. A PROPER good one. The vouchers worth about £50 which might seem like a waste but I'm desperate to get my hair sorted out! If it's too short it looks bad, if it's too long my face looks long. I don't have to pay for this either so yeah, I'm gonna grow my hair until Febuary and then get it sorted out.
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*explode* [18 Dec 2003|07:20pm]
[ mood | relieved ]

Nyess, my computer exploded a little while ago. I expected it to happen sooner though. Anyways, my mocks are over! I'm not too sure that I did well anymore, I couldn't concentrate, even in subjects I'm good at. They're so freaking boring! The only perk was that the school days were short and I got days off.

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Break Time! [06 Dec 2003|09:57pm]
[ mood | optimistic ]

Well, on Friday I had Biology, Maths and Physics. It all went alright, the Maths got harder so I'm not too sure about that, but the Science was pretty easy. But I'll still proabably fail it.
I got Monday, Tuesday and Thursday off! Yes! And the harder subjects have finished so all I have is English, Business, French Listening and Media! It feels great to have got all the harder parts over with and I feel great! No more depression or pressure at all. I've also updated my site a bit! Me likes! Check it out: http://www.kunal.net.ms

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French again... [04 Dec 2003|05:46pm]
[ mood | hot ]

I had the French reading and writing today. The reading was kinda easy, but the writing was hard. I hate it when those "your French friend wants to know something about you" questions. Then write to me in English, you fucking French dick! Gawd. So that was pretty much it, I think I did alright in the reading, I know I did crap for the writing.
I got Biology, Chemistry and Maths tomorrow. I'm no good at Chemistry or Maths, and I hardly revised for any one of the three. I was mainly putting some news thing up on my site today. So I need to revise hard today or pray.
... I'll probably end up praying and I'll fail faster. God don't like me.

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You want some oral?! [03 Dec 2003|07:28pm]
[ mood | accomplished ]

My internet is fixed! Yay! My neighbour re-formatted it or something so all the crap has gone, but I saved most of the stuff on another drive so they didn't get deleted. But that doesn't mean I'll be updating anything much, my mocks have started today.
I tried to revise a lot before, mainly for Maths and French since they're the subjects I won't do well in and are closer. The English exam was in the morning, which went okay. It was tough at the start, but went alright as I got into it, but I could have done better. I had my French orals later.
The teacher is a bitch, like I said before. She wants my head on a plate, and then she wants to poke it with a fork. And probably a spoon. I had to revise six conversations, a page long essay and ten questions and answers in French and more answers in two days. I only decided to study the conversations though. I could have revised something more important if I knew I could cheat so easily.

Ya see, last year we had our oral exams in the library. I sat on my own desk while another person was being tested, and the teacher sat in two shelfs which made it seem like a cubicle. I could have cheated then, and knowing that I wouldn't remember shit, I cut out little cards with the conversations on them and put them in a booklet. In the library today, she put me on the other side of the room, and sat away so she couldn't see me. I looked at the booklet and got full marks! Whoever said cheating is bad is an idiot. And so am I, cause I failed every other thing in the oral. Oh well.

So it's going okay... but it'll get worse and worse. I'll be glad when it's over. And when I get to eat ice cream, I haven't done that in a while.

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Damn [01 Dec 2003|04:23pm]
[ mood | worried ]

My mocks are on Wedensday, and I haven't revised at all. Now I have to spend all my free time revising non stop, even though I don't think it'll help. What I'm really worried about is my French Speaking exam. I have to memorise 6 conversations in French, a whole page of presentations and five questions and answers by Wedensday. So I'm screwed really badly, all ways. I'll be glad when it's over though. And my bastard internet still won't work, I have to keep turning it off and on to fix it. And my neighbour isn't helping since he's side of the connection is okay (we share it). So if he doesn't do something soon, I'm gonna cut the wire in half.

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Moo [24 Nov 2003|07:34pm]
[ mood | annoyed ]

I finished that tutorial I made a while ago, but I ain't gonna put it on my site. If I do, it'll be a while. I'm tired of people trying to rip off my ideas. I'll probably give it to Tenchi so he can put it on Digital Darkness though.
My internet is screwed up! God damn it, it stops letting me do anything every 30 minutes, then I have to shut it off and turn it back on. It's really pissing me off now. My parents are opening a new shop too, so they're hardly ever at home. So on the weekend, I got to wake up really late, about 1 or 2PM. I had the house to myself too, which was cool, but it would have been way more fun if my brother was here. He went to India for a month, but he's coming back on the 27th. He'll probably tell his friends to come around a lot when he comes back. But by the time he does come back, it'll be time for my mocks. I know I'm gonna do shit in those, I try to fucking revise but nothing sinks in. Whoever says maths is fun is a dumbass, I don't care how smart they are. They need to be shot.
I'll be glad when it's over though. I won't be so stressed and shit. Christmas ain't looking too great though, cause I have the tests, and I have to hand in my technology work which I haven't done.

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Grades [19 Nov 2003|10:09pm]
[ mood | disappointed ]

Oh man, my mocks are coming up quicker than I thought. I've tried to revise, I sit down but I can't freaking remember anything! I got my report today too... It's not very good, and I'm finding it hard to believe I'm gonna do any good. Here's what I got:

Business Studies
Working at F, Predicted E

Well, that didn't come as much of a surprise. That's the lesson I kept falling asleep in. It's so god damn boring, it makes my head hurt (literally). If I fail, I might be able to become a teacher for this subject. All the bitch does is make us copy work off the board. My wrists hate me now.

Working at C, Predicted B

A good one! But not good enough for my parents. They expect me to get an A*. Stress? You bet. I don't even try in this subject, so I'm feeling confident about it.

Working at F, Predicted F

Fucking bitch. I hate this woman. She never shuts the hell up, she repeats the same words like a retarded parrot. And she looks like an 8 year old man. I never did like French, cause of this hoe. If I'm working at an F and predicted an F, why did she also write down my effort mark is bad? Isn't that a good thing, that I'm working towards what the (bastard) teacher predicted for me? And that probably means I should give up on French and that I can't get better. Oh well, I don't want to go to France any way, they forced me to take this subject.

Working at E, Predicted E

Well, I'm crap at Maths. I don't even know my timestables, but I think that's an alright grade for me. I think I can do better. But that would mean I'd have to cheat, which is alright with me. But the teacher isn't great. I usually draw stuff in his lessons.

Media Studies
Working at D, Predicted D

That was a surprise. I got a B in last year's test. It's my favourite subject, we get to watch TV for most of it. But I am kinda lazy in his lessons, either sleeping or talking with my friends. But hey, who knows TV better than me?

Working at E, Predicted D

I used to be good at this. In secondary school I started to get crap. Now I'm really bad with it, I'm in the bottom group. But that's also probably the teacher's fault. The war in Iraq is their fault. World hunger is there fault. Michael Jackson's face is their fault- you get the picture. I can do better, but the revision for it is a bitch. So I'm not too sure.

Working at D, Predicted C

I hate this too. The damn teacher has no eyebrows, he can't stop talking and when he isn't, he's ignoring the class. He sets work which he doesn't help with, now I have until the end of term to get the work done or I don't get entered for the test. Great! At least I might get a good grade, especially if I actually put some effort in.

So I think I can do alright if I actually revise, which isn't easy for me. And I pray that none of the teachers find this, or I'm in some deep shit. Anyways, I might get my TV back soon. Which is good, cause then I actually get to watch some TV. My parents took it away cause I didn't revise enough, so I pray they don't look at this either. I didn't give them the report on my grades. If they find it, they'll take away my bed and find me a tutor. So I might start revising soon, but the fucking homework the bastard teachers keep setting isn't helping. My guess is, I'll be fucked by the end of December.

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Sleep! [18 Nov 2003|08:39pm]
[ mood | tired ]

Jeez, I've never been this tired before. What time did I go to sleep last night... 2AM? Usually it's later. But, damn! Around 1PM I felt like I was gonna collapse. It was like being drunk, except it wasn't funny. My head's hurting from the amounts of times my head smashed into a table or I slept on it. Now I know how important it is to get some rest. That doesn't mean I care though. On Thursday, there's a protest in London for George Bush. I didn't really care about that either until I saw a poster saying "Leave School!" and that's when I realised that I wanted to show my strong beliefs by turning up to it. Or maybe it's just because I don't want to go to school. But I don't know shit about what this protest is about.. But, hey! I can't help it if a poster corrupted my fragile little mind. I will protest. In bed. And then I'll probably go to the cinema. Yep, I'm gonna show my full support.

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Blergh [17 Nov 2003|10:10pm]
[ mood | nervous ]

Whoa, it's hard to think of titles. Anyways, I didn't do much today. I made a forum for my site, but that's it. I got a day off on Friday, so that's cool, but my mock tests are coming around the corner. I have a lot of freaking work I need to hand in. I know I'm gonna do shit... time flies way to damn fast! They're only two weeks away, and if I don't hand in some of the work I won't get entered for my GCSEs (really important exam). I'm way too god damn lazy.

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Moose. [16 Nov 2003|09:58pm]
Hm... I got one of these Live Journal things, but I would have thought you could make it look like your stuff and crap... now I don't know whether to use my old one or this one. God damn adverts and god damn people who want money all the time.
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